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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434954">Conversations in my Head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanilla_cotta/pseuds/vanilla_cotta'>vanilla_cotta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, Gay Male Character, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Cuddling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanilla_cotta/pseuds/vanilla_cotta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has a hard time coping with a lot of things: like being a ghost and having a crush on another ghost.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>347</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Conversations in my Head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex knew he wasn’t supposed to be in Julie’s room, but ever since he and the guys came back, he hasn’t been able to breathe. No pun intended, because even though he was a dead man, his chest oddly hurt and he felt as if he couldn’t catch up. Especially when Luke and Reggie were taking the ghost thing way too well... A little too well. </p><p>Everything was crazy, and yet, Luke was still able to play riffs as if the three were still in ‘95 and Reggie was consistently making jokes and being his normal, silly self. While Alex, he was trying his best to be the same, slightly neurotic, yet caring Alex that cared way too much about his bros. </p><p>If he yelled a little more, freaked out a little more, and had to fight himself to keep the tears at bay when things felt completely overwhelming, then Alex was doing a <em> phenomenal </em> job at coping with the situation. Then Willie ran him over, knocking the air from his lungs, and Alex couldn’t help but feel as if he was absolutely ordinary again.  </p><p>The hurt was fleeting, but someone had knocked him over and the feeling of crashing into the ground had made him feel alive. It was a glorious feeling, only to be replaced by something he hadn’t felt before. </p><p>A pleasant tingle went through him at the sight of Willie, beautiful, gorgeous Willie, and Alex felt more than a little screwed. Then there was the skate date, Willie laughing and joking with him... Teaching him ghost things and how to be less anxious, Alex felt even more screwed. Because his heartbeat picked up just a tad and Alex found that he couldn’t look away. </p><p>Willie was mesmerizing and Alex wanted to spend a lot more time with him, maybe multiple lifetimes worth of time. The feeling was comforting... </p><p>Then it was scary.  </p><p>Because Alex may have had passing fantasies of other guys, but the way Willie made his heart race and how he wanted to grab the other boy and kiss him, that was absolutely terrifying.  </p><p>He couldn’t like guys. </p><p>It wasn’t safe to do so... At least, in the 90s, it hadn’t been. But when Willie smiled at him, almost as if he was feeling the mood... The chemistry between them, it quickly extinguished his timidness. </p><p>This wasn’t the 90s anymore. </p><p>His parents weren’t around to kick him out of the house for liking boys instead of girls. His father wasn’t around to push him around for not doing the things that he should be doing. His mother wasn’t around to give him that disappointed look that occasionally crossed her features whenever he’d come home too late, smelling like sweat and bars and street style hot dogs.  </p><p>As he lied on Julie’s bed, looking at her ceiling, his timidness curling along his heart as if these emotions were something that he needed to hide despite the fact that Luke and Reggie wouldn’t care, Alex wasn’t able to shake his anxiety. Alex was dead and he was having an after-life crisis that he shouldn’t be having in the first place. </p><p>Taking one of Julie’s pillows so that he can scream into the clothed fluff, Alex screamed until he could hear his voice crack and his throat went rough and sore. While tears gathered at the corner of his eyes, Alex was too stuck in his head to notice his friends' phase through the wall with worried looks on their faces.  </p><p>“Hey, ‘Lex, what’s wrong?”  </p><p>Alex hears Luke ask as both of the boys' crawl onto the bed, shimmying until the two are beside him. Reggie reaches over to pull the pillow from his face, only to ask, “Is this about your new friend?” </p><p>Alex can sense his friends’ concern, but he can’t face them right now. Not like this, not when he’s thinking about people that he’s never been able to be himself with. So wiping away his tears, he softly gives, “Yes and no... I don’t really want to talk about it.” </p><p>Only for his friends to pull him close, “Whenever you’re ready to talk, we’ll be here.”  </p><p>While Alex, thankful for his friends, quietly replies, “Thanks guys.” </p><p>Which swiftly causes the three of them to get even more comfortable on Julie’s bed, Reggie and Luke quick to fill Alex’s silence with soft chatter and laughter. It didn’t take long for the two to put a smile on Alex’s face, effectively pulling him out of the self-deprecation and anxiousness that had overtaken his heart moments ago. The three were too busy cuddling that none of them realized that Julie was coming home soon until she was walking through her bedroom door. </p><p>But instead of screaming at the three to get out, upset at the guys for going into her room when she wasn’t there, Julie sensed something sad that lingered along the three. A sadness that led her to laying herself across the three of them instead, Julie found herself voicing, “What are you guys talking about?”  </p><p>Reliable Reggie, who was quick to notice Luke turning red and Alex still more than a little shaky to be the softhearted guy that he was, could only giggle, “Jokes. I was just telling these two a joke I heard your father say the other day.” </p><p>Unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes, Julie took pity on Reggie’s awkward change of subject and asked, “What did he say?” </p><p>While Alex, in a much better place mentally, could only snigger at the face that Luke was making...  </p><p>Alex would tell his friends one day about his fears and his deepening feelings for Willie, but until he had that courage, he’d keep those thoughts to himself. He just needed a little more time.  </p>
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